Never Have I Ever
by ChiaraMikami
Summary: Severus Snape has always been abused; by his father, by his classmates, but most importantly, by himself. Now with the heart of Lily Evans to win, and the results of a terrible accident giving him both power beyond his wildest dreams and a guilty conscience, Severus is more burdened than ever: will he crack under the pressure, or rise to the occasion? Severus/Lily/James/OC
1. I

**I**

_In which we meet our protagonist, Severus Snape, witness a dark scheme, and have some gal-pal gossip time _

If you asked Severus Snape to name the person that he could happily live and die without having to associate with, James Potter would take the cake, time and time again.

James Potter was an arrogant, beastly, prideful, and ignorant prat who could use a strong dose of his own medicine, in Severus' opinion. Unfortunately, James had been blessed with good looks, popularity and amazing Quidditch skills, which had earned him a healthy throng of admirers who enjoyed nothing more than to see this nasty brute and his trusty trio of sidekicks to torture and humiliate Hogwarts' weaker students.

But as usual, nobody asked Severus Snape's opinion. They much preferred to hex or jinx him first and ask questions later.

There was only one thing that James Potter could not get his mitts on; and that was a sassy girl named Lily Evans; the girl with dazzlingly green eyes and a firecracker personality to match, who also happened to be Severus Snape's best (and probably only true) friend.

On the lowest of the low days of his life, Severus Snape believed that the only reason he was still alive and breathing was because of Lily. She was his saving grace; and the only thing that prevented him from brewing a potion that would seep into his veins and steal his breath away.

He'd fantasized a hundred times about his death. He would create something complex, a draught that would kill him ever so slowly. He'd take his time drinking it; relishing every delicious second of the pain, perhaps giving a noble speech before his eyelids would close for good. Even better: Lily would be at his side, begging him not to leave her; telling him how much she loved him, how much she needed him...

"Oi, Snivelley! You haven't changed a bit, bloke! You'd think, now that you're in your fourth year, you'd learn to clean yourself up a bit!"

Severus' reverie was shattered. He looked up slowly at the doors of his train compartment to see the grinning, malicious face of Sirius Black, James Potter's right-hand man.

"Of course he hasn't changed, Padfoot," drawled the black-haired boy lounging at his side. Potter, of course. "Why would he want to mar that strikingly luscious head of hair?"

The two of them cracked up.

"No wonder you're riding solo," added Sirius. "No girl, not even the most kind and patient one on Earth, would want to come within five feet of you." He slammed the door shut and sauntered off towards his compartment, snickering with his comrade.

_I'll teach them how to mar a body -_ _I'll slit their pretty little throats with a freshly-sharpened dagger, encrusted with rust, salt and lemon juice, _Severus thought to himself. _Perhaps carve the word 'Arrogance' into their foreheads with the same blade. That would be quite satisfying._

He wasn't surprised that Lily was not sitting with him. She had changed a lot over the summer - didn't come round to his house as often, and her letters were short and distant-sounding. She wasn't the dependant, worried girl she had been in first year; she had created for herself a perfect life over the years at Hogwarts, with plenty of friends and admirers who were in Gryffindor and who were more "socially acceptable."

There just wasn't enough room for him anymore. But Severus Snape had always been determined; he'd had a strong thirst for redemption, and even more ambition. He was going to win Lily's heart and knock James Potter et al down a few pegs.

Fourth year was going to be his best year yet, he decided, as he watched the gentle rural landscape fly by in the small train window. He just knew it.

* * *

"Hi, Lily. How have you been?" Severus had meandered down to the Gryffindor table during the first feast of the year. He wasn't exceptionally hungry; being the stringy boy that he was, it didn't take much for him to be content.

Lily's green eyes had a genuine look of pity in them as she took in his uncombed, greasy long black hair, patched robes, and sallow complexion. He knew that she was too amiable to be anything short of polite and cordial.

"I'm fine, thank you," she replied, her voice quiet. The girls sitting around her tittered, their eyes boring into him like knives.

He shifted uncomfortably. "I've missed you," he admitted, but instantly regretted it the moment the words had left his lips. The Gryffindor girls' eyes widened, and they began to whisper and giggle excitedly behind their hands. Lily herself blushed, and ducked her head, but did not laugh at him or say anything. She began to study her silverware.

_Did you miss me? _he wanted to ask her. _Do you ever think of me, like I do constantly of you?_

"Hitting on Evans again, are you, Snivelley? Don't you know when to take a hint?"

The harsh, sharp voice of James Potter carried through the Hall, echoing off the walls. Dozens upon dozens of eyes began to drink in the scene, staring at a dishevelled, humiliated Severus Snape, who was on the verge of shedding a tear in shock and anger.

This was one of those times where Severus Snape wished the ground would open up underneath his feet and swallow him within its depths. But, as always, the floor remained sturdy and still.

So Severus did what he did best.

He lowered his gaze to the floor and scurried back to the Slytherin table, trying to melt in with the crowd and try to forget the pure look of sympathy that had been upon the beautiful face of the girl he loved

* * *

"He's going to pay for this," muttered Severus quietly, as he stretched himself out onto his four-poster that night. "He's going to be very, very sorry he ever did tantalize me."

"What are you doing, Snape, talking to yourself again?" Lucius Malfoy, who was passing by, stopped suddenly and leaned against the doorway, examining him warily.

Severus's black eyes met Lucius' equally cold blue ones. "I'm plotting," he replied shortly, "against James Potter."

Lucius smiled thirstily. "Yes, I do like that idea." he said, pushing his long white-blond hair out of his eyes, and swaggered into the room, taking a seat upon the bed next to Severus'. "What do you have in mind?"

Severus nearly gulped. Most of his 'plans' involved Potter's blood running down a flight of stairs like a sanguine waterfall. And while these were delicious to dream about, they weren't exactly ones he could act on. Nor were they going to impress someone as darkly intelligent as Lucius Malfoy.

"We-ll," Snape said slowly, the gears in his head whirring at top speed, "I want to absolutely annihilate Potter's golden-boy image. I want to divulge his darkest, deepest secrets to the world - so that they can watch him plummet from his pedestal, where everyone will see that he is not the quintessential wizard he pretends to be."

"So you're saying that you want to uncover something that will force everyone to admit that Potter is not a perfect as he aims to be?"

"Exactly."

Lucius stroked his chin idly. "I am surprised, Snape, that you are not leaning towards inflicting physical pain upon him."

Snape reflected upon this for a moment. Physical pain, or emotional pain? What would scar the deepest, what would cause the utmost agony and anguish?

"I prefer to take the humiliation route," he answered. "For I have found, in my own personal experience, that emotional injuries hurt the most, take longer to heal, and last the longest."

Lucius nodded his approval. "And how do you suppose we go about this?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could worm something out of his sidekick Black."

Lucius Malfoy's eyes glittered with malice and excitement. "My girlfriend, Cissy, is cousins with Black," he said. "She is closer to him than her sister, Bella. Perhaps she can pry something about Potter out of him."

Severus struggled to keep his cool. "She'd do a good job," he commented. Narcissa Black was extremely persuasive, with warm brown eyes that you could stare into for hours and spill all of your fears and secrets to.

Lucius stood. "I'll see what I can do. Good night, Severus." He began to head for the door.

Severus watched his retreat in interest. "Lucius?" he called after him

The other boy turned, a slightly annoyed expression upon his face.

"I was just wondering," Severus blurted out, "why you are so keen to help me with this plot against James Potter. You are not antagonized by him as I am."

Lucius' expression hardened. "I'd rather not say," he said, "but I can tell you that I find Potter to be a disgrace to pure-bloods everywhere. He gives the rest of us a bad name. He supports Muggles, and as we are all quite aware, he chases after that Mudblood, Lily, as if she had the lineage of a queen. He is also extremely critical of the Dark Lord, and of my family, the Malfoys; therefore, I would not be sorry to see his self-love wounded. Without all of his bravado, Potter has very little to offer the wizarding community. Will that be all, Snape?" he finished, a contemptuous note in his voice.

Severus gritted his teeth. "Yes, of course, Malfoy. Do not forget what we have discussed tonight."

Lucius did not reply and swept out of the room.

Severus stared at the ceiling of his room, contemplating. He knew that Malfoy did not have a high esteem of Lily, or any Muggleborn, despite what kind of person they were on the inside. _Best not to include him in my plans to get together with her, _he thought to himself. _Can't get on the wrong side of Lucius Malfoy._

As for Lucius' help with Severus' scheme of paying Potter back for his years of terrorization, well, he wasn't sure he'd actually _receive _it. Lucius was known for his empty promises and double-crossing. Severus would just have to pester him to go through with the plan, or go to his girlfriend, Narcissa, and arrange something with her.

As he burrowed under the soft comforter of his bed, he began to feel drowsy from the warmth. Everything was going well; all the cards were laid out on the table, ready to be played.

And Potter would not see it coming. Not at all.

But he'd deserve it, Severus thought to himself as he drifted off into his sleep. That git deserved every bit of trauma and revenge he had coming his way.

_Because if you can dish it out, you should be able to take it, right?_

Saturday was Severus Snape's favourite day of the week, by far. Not only was it a day off from lessons; it was the day where he would meet Lily under "their" tree, a gnarled, ancient maple by the west end of the school, where they sat and spilled their secrets, as they had done every single Saturday since first year.

He looked forward to these quaint sessions more than he looked forward to any holiday, including his own birthday. And if Lily didn't show up...

If she didn't show up, he would be devastated, to say the least.

As he approached the tree, to his relief, there she was, reading a book. He couldn't help but notice how the early-morning sunlight glinted off her auburn curls. Her cheeks were ruddy, and as she looked up at him, he was once again struck by the mysterious green eyes, even though he had seen them and dreamed of them at least a thousand times. He wondered vaguely what he looked like, in her eyes. What did she see when he walked towards her in the sunlight?

"Hi, Lily," he said softly, sitting next to her. His heart lurched when he saw her recoil a little as he leaned in a little too close for her liking, perhaps.

"Erm, hello, Sev," she replied dreamily, her mind obviously somewhere else.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you," he tried, fiddling with the buttons on his robes awkwardly, trying to find something to say to her. "in the Great Hall. I didn't mean it; I won't talk to you again when you're with your other friends if you don't want me to."

She took a while to respond. "It's not that," she said eventually. "It's just... you've changed, Sev. A lot. I can just tell by the look in your eyes."

"What look?"

"You used to be... I dunno, gentler. Less miserable. But now you spend your time with Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Black and Crabbe... those future Death Eaters, those people who are almost guaranteed to go Dark when they get out of school. And they've changed you. I could tell that was happening even last year."

"I haven't changed," he said indignantly.

"You _have_, Sev. You have. You spend all your time trying to make up bad spells that will hurt things, hurt _people_, even. You read all those Dark books, and you don't even flinch when you hear stories about things that You-Know-Who has done to people. You don't care. It's almost as if you _like _hearing about what He's done to people."

She stopped to catch her breath. "Do you remember what you said to me that day when Sirius Black hexed you right here, under this exact tree, maybe last June?"

He shook his head no. Potter and his gang had terrorized him so many times that all the individual situations seemed to blend and mix all together in one foggy haze of pain and humiliation.

"I haven't forgotten it. You looked at me and you said, '_Sirius Black is one of those people who deserves to have bad things happen to him. And when he's bleeding out right here in front of this tree, when I use my new spell on him, I'm going to laugh. I'm going to laugh and watch him die._'"

Lily shuddered. "Do you understand, Severus, how much that scares me? How much that makes me want to cover my ears and forget? But I can't forget. What you, who are _supposed_ to be friend, said, is unforgettable. And I'm going to keep right on hearing that in my nightmares, again and again."

Severus Snape was shaking his head no. "No. No, I didn't mean it," he said, his voice rising with each word. "You _know _I wasn't going to hurt anybody, Lily. You _know _me better than that."

"That's the thing, Sev. I don't know about you any more. And that's what frightens me to death." She got to her feet, clutching her books tightly in her arms.

"And unless you change, Severus Snape, I don't think you're the type of person I want to associate myself with."

And with that, she marched away from him, taking a clear path out of his life.

For now, it was temporary. But unless something changed, unless something was _different, _it would be like that forever and for always.

"LiLi, I'm _sooo _glad you dumped his sorry ass," Alice Sayers took a swig of pumpkin juice and grinned at her friend. "I mean, it's not like you were _dating _or anything, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah," agreed Rachel Higgens. "Look at the guy, sweetie! He's a total creeper! He's the type of guy you'd see in a first-rate horror film, standing above the main character while they're sleeping, with a bloody machete in his hand, ready to chop their head off!"

"Okay, okay, enough with horror-movie references," Lily grumbled, scooping a slice of cherry pie onto her plate. "I'm trying to eat here."

Lily had rehashed the subject of Severus Snape with her two best friends, and while they totally supported her decision to leave him in the dust, they weren't very understanding when she tried to explain how difficult it was for her to leave a close friend like that.

"I don't know how you put up with him, Li," added Alice. "He's just... gross."

"Hey," admonished Lily, swatting Alice in the arm with her bag. "He's not the most handsome guy around, I know that, but he _was _a great friend."

"Really?" asked Rachel, appalled. "Like I said, he was a total freak. And the way he looked at you..."

"What?" Lily demanded, her eyes wide.

Rachel blushed, and fiddled with her spoon. "It was just... like, when he looked at you, Li, he wasn't looking at you like a friend. He was staring at you like you were... I dunno, a big beautiful birthday present wrapped in gold paper and ribbon, that he couldn't wait to open."

The three girls were silent for a moment, contemplating this.

"Merlin," whispered Alice finally. "That's actually really scary, 'Chelly."

Rachel shrugged. "Just callin' it as I see it."

Lily sighed. "Okay, you two are no help whatsoever. But it doesn't matter. I'm over it."

"Allright, then."

They continued on with their meal, chatting about classes and homework assignments. Halfway through, Alice jabbed Lily in the ribs with her elbow.

"Don't look now," Alice hissed, "but James Potter is staring at you."

Lily looked over at him, blushing furiously.

"I _told _you not _to look!" _Alice exclaimed. "What's the matter with you?"

Lily groaned loudly. "I _hate _James Potter, Alice," she snapped. "He's arrogant and a bully and I can't stand him. I want him to leave me alone."

"Send him my way, will ya, LiLi?" drawled Rachel. "I'll happily take him off your hands."

Lily giggled in spite of herself. "He's all yours, sweetie."

Rachel sighed wistfully. "I wish," she said. "But he's hopelessly in love with you. It's unbelievable. He has eyes for no one else."

Lily rolled her own green eyes. "Shit," she mumbled. "Just my luck."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**This is the first few chapters of Never Have I Ever, condensed into one clean one. Hope you enjoy!**

**Please feel free to point out any errors or make suggestions!**

**ChiaraMikami**


	2. II

**II**

_In which Severus Snape speaks to Narcissa Black, James Potter laments his bad luck, and we witness a cursed kiss _

"Hey, Snivelley, ever noticed how you look like the spitting image of a vampire bat? Maybe that's the reason you can't even _pay _a girl to go out with you!"

Severus stopped walking, turned around, and shot James Potter and his trio an icy glare. The hallway was empty, except for the five of them. _Odd, _he thought wryly. _Usually they have a whole crowd to watch them, the brutes._

"We're in the same boat, then, Potter," he replied sarcastically. "Seeing as Lily won't have anything to do with you."

James' cheeks reddened for a split second. Sirius Black stepped in, his animosity running on full blast. "Doesn't matter," he pointed out smugly. "It's not like he hasn't gotten other offers. Girls wouldn't be caught _dead _with the likes of you, on the other hand."

Severus ignored the jab. "It _does _matter, and you know it. Maybe Potter can have anybody else, but who he _really _wants is Lily, and we all know what she thinks of him!"

He turned sharply, but didn't make it five feet before a curse hit him between his shoulder blades, knocking him over in the process. He stumbled and toppled like a puppet whose strings had been freshly cut, rolled over onto his back and felt his body becoming rigid. He couldn't move an inch even if he wanted to.

"Nice one, James!" he heard Peter Pettigrew squeal with admiration above him. "Next time, though, get him between the eyes. That would be even _more _impressive."

"Wouldn't it, though?" James Potter stepped over Severus as he spoke, taking extra care to trod on his fingers, grinding them into the stone floor hard, his eyes locked with Severus' the entire time. His lips secured shut, Severus could only let out a small throaty squeak of pain.

"Look at him, the bloody git. This'll learn you." Sirius Black kicked Severus' body out of his way and beckoned to the last Marauder lagging behind. "Come on, Moony. Can't be late for class, can we?"

Remus Lupin looked at Severus doubtfully. "Shouldn't we reverse the jinx before we go?" he inquired mildly.

James laughed. "Such a genteel heart, you," he said, a slight mocking note in his voice. "It'll wear off. Don't worry about it."

Lupin shrugged and followed his friends, shooting Severus an apologetic look as he did. Unlike his compatriots, he did not step on the boy on the floor.

_He's apprehensive about what Potter and the other two are up to, _Severus thought to himself as he watched Lupin's shabby ebony cloak disappear around the corner after his friends. _Such an anxious person might come in handy someday._

* * *

Narcissa Black was a deeply sad person.

Nobody understood why she was so cold and morose; she never gave a reason for it herself; but many speculated that it was just a part of her character, heavily intertwined with her fear and mistrust of the world.

When Severus Snape approached Narcissa in the Slytherin common room, for a split second he was astounded by her beauty. She had long, white-blond hair like her boyfriend, Lucius; clear ivory skin and large, pale gray eyes that were often downcast and full of unimaginable sorrow.

_She could be easily crowned the Queen of Ice and Snow, _Severus thought to himself as he took a seat next to her. She was gazing off into the distance, wrapped up in thoughts of her own, completely unaware that she had company.

"Narcissa," he whispered, gently tapping her on the arm, almost feeling guilty for interrupting such a peaceful, unhappy person that so desperately wanted to be alone.

"Yes?" she asked, her voice ragged, her face melancholy.

"I - " he began, but changed his mind and said, "How are you?"

She looked taken aback by this question and replied, "Fine, I suppose. Yourself?"

"Likewise."

The two of them sat for a moment, contemplating each other. Narcissa broke the ice first.

"Why are you here, Severus? Is Lucius looking for me?"

"No," he answered, his dark eyes boring into hers. "I need - well, I'd appreciate it if you'd do a favour for me."

She gave him a droll smile and patiently listened to the same explanation he'd given her boyfriend weeks before. "I've spoken to Lucius about it, Narcissa," he finished, "but he has not given me the help I have been promised. That is why I've come to you. You play a vital part in my plans, and I'd be much obliged if you would lend me a hand."

Narcissa Black took awhile to respond. "It's for Lily, isn't it? All of this?" she gave him a knowing look and waved a hand airily. "You know that James Potter has much more to offer her than you. Therefore, you believe that if you can taint his reputation, you will have a much better chance at snapping her up from underneath his nose."

Severus blushed a deep red. Narcissa Black had read between the lines, and even worse, she'd been absolutely correct.

"How did you know?"

"The care you possess for her is undeniable," she replied, her voice grave. "Most Slytherins do not approve of rubbing shoulders with the students in the other Houses, let alone those of... questionable lineage.

"I cannot help you with this endeavour of yours, Severus," she continued, not letting him get a word in edgewise. "Sirius Black is my cousin. And we all know that if James Potter falls, Sirius goes with him. Assisting you could very possibly disgrace our family name. I just simply cannot take that chance."

She bowed her head and folded her hands in her lap. "I feel sorry for you, I really do," she added, almost in afterthought.

By this time, Severus Snape was beyond livid. He had asked her ever so civilly, and asking for help was something that he refrained from doing; begging for another's aid was weak and spineless. He craved his revenge on James Potter so desperately that for half a second he nearly reached over and wrapped his hands around Narcissa's pale neck, in an attempt to choke the life out of her.

"Why would you feel sorry for me?" he asked, his jaw clenched so tightly it almost hurt him.

She shrugged. "You're so angry at the world," she replied idly. "You believe that if you cannot fix things, you must destroy them."

"It's a shame, really," she went on, fluffing her hair, toying with one of the long strands. "But what can you do? Some people draw good cards. The rest of us have play with what we've been dealt."

"You've been really helpful, Narcissa," he said, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "Thank you _ever _so much. If I can ever return the favour, don't bother to let me know."

He stood up and marched away. It was a bitter pill to swallow; but he was no stranger to disappointment. He'd learned fast that you could not trust anyone, put your faith in anybody but your own fine self.

Because people will only disappoint you, over and over again.

* * *

"I just don't get it, Padfoot. Why doesn't she like me?"

James Potter threw himself onto his four-poster and let out a frustrated sigh. "I do everything, _everything _I can think of to look impressive to her, and she treats me like I'm the dirt on the bottom of a gravedigger's boot!"

Sirius Black roared with laughter. "Dirt on a _gravedigger's boot?_ Poetic, Prongs. You could be the next T. S. Eliot."

James hopped off his bed and gave his friend a playful slug to the arm. "C'mon, ol' boy. Give me some help here."

Sirius ran his fingers through his dark curly hair absentmindedly. "Well -"

"The reason Lily doesn't want to be with you is because you act like a pompous jerk whenever she comes near you," Remus Lupin interrupted idly, barely glancing up from his Charms textbook. "You hex people right and left, and you make a point of goading Snape, who is her friend, in front of her. She doesn't like the pompous, I'm-too-big-for-my-britches type. She wants someone romantic, someone who she can tell her darkest secrets to and trust wholeheartedly."

James, Sirius and even Peter Pettigrew all stared at Remus in shock. Sensing the three pairs of eyes upon his face, Remus looked up at them for a moment, raising an eyebrow.

"What?"

"How do you know all this?" James asked.

Remus shrugged one shoulder. "I've gone up to the Astronomy Tower a few times at night and she's been there, too. We've had maybe three or four conversations together this year."

"Three or four conversations? You lucky scoundrel, I'm grateful to even get two sentences out of her!" James muttered, an envious note in his voice. "How did you do it?"

"I didn't do anything. All I had to do is shut up for two minutes and listen to her. Like, _really _listen to what she had to say and respond accordingly." Remus gave James a knowing smile. "Girls like blokes that they can talk to easily; in Lily's case, she wants a bloke that has at least half the brains that she does. She wants someone who can hold an intelligent conversation with her."

"Oh, my girl and I have _intelligent conversations,_" Sirius added, his face expressionless but suggesting a lot more. "We try to fit them in twice or so a day."

"I can vouch for that," Peter said grimly. "If by _intelligent conversations _you mean _full-frontal snogging."_

James couldn't help but laugh. Sirius was obviously the most attractive of the four, with a large amount of charisma to match. He almost had no problem landing any girl he liked. In fact, he was usually swarmed with offers and was often juggling two or three girls at once.

"What can I say?" Sirius put his hands up in a don't-blame-me gesture. "I'm the picture of wizardly brainpower."

"You can think that," said Remus, hitting Sirius lightly on the head with his book.

"And that I shall."

"Okay, okay. Can we get back to my problems?" James asked, a slight smile tugging at his lips. "I've been rejected at least a hundred times over by the most beautiful girl in this school. Some sympathy, please? Perhaps a few well-chosen words of encouragement?"

The other three boys all spoke up at once.

"Hmm... maybe there's something wrong with you," Peter Pettigrew offered.

"Possibly. Maybe she thinks you're ugly?" Lupin added in, his face straight.

"That's it. She thinks you're an absolute eyesore. She probably wants me instead." Sirius teased, a wide grin on his handsome face.

"Alright, you!" James climbed off his four-poster and jabbed Sirius sharply in the ribs with his elbow. "Now who's too big for his britches?"

"What?" joked Sirius, moving out of the way so James couldn't poke him again. "It was a suggestion. Jeez."

James sighed. "What'll I do, boys? I'm desperate." He clambered into his bed again and pulled the covers up to his neck. The other three followed suit, and Remus blew out all of the candles, excepting the one by his own bed.

Remus opened his Charms book again and settled himself onto his bed. "Be someone that girls like to be around with. Be funny, but not at other peoples' expense." he began, "Take good care of yourself, but don't get too vain. It's all a matter of balance; you don't want to over-do it and make a fool of yourself, but you also don't want to play down some of your best assets.

"For the most part, be yourself. It's a cheesy thing to say, but if you act like someone you aren't when you're around her, she's not going to like you for _you. _Even worse, she might not even want to be around you in the first place, thus eliminating any chance of her getting to see the James Potter that you really are inside.

"And lastly, don't neglect the rest of the things in your life just for Lily. I mean, you've got us, and your family, and Quidditch too. You need to swing it so that your life and happiness doesn't completely revolve around Lily. Because if Lily goes, then your happiness goes with her. But if you've built up an array of different relationships and activities, if you don't get Lily in the end, you'll have things to fall back on, you know? You won't be completely in free-fall, because you'll have net of all sorts of other things to catch you."

He shut his book and glanced around the room. "James? Did you catch all that?"

His only answer was deep breathing and even a small snore coming from Peter's bed.

Remus chuckled and blew out his candle. "Hopefully he heard at least some of it," he said to himself. "Otherwise, I might as well have been talking to the wall."

* * *

Whenever Severus looked at Lily Evans, he couldn't help but smile. It didn't matter how badly the day had gone, how sick and disturbed he was feeling, how awful in general his life was; she was his ray of sunshine, his all, his everything.

She'd stolen his heart long ago; those lazy afternoons in the forest by his house, where he'd spin tales of the wizarding world; of owls and Dementors and things so incredible, so _wonderful _that she would gasp and look at him as if he knew all the answers to the world, had been the happiest days of his life.

He wished what Narcissa Malfoy had said wasn't true; he wished he could offer Lily more than any other man, more than she could ever hope for. She deserved nothing but the best, and in his heart of hearts, he knew he wasn't it. Hopefully, Lily would overlook this.

To his great displeasure, he avoided Lily all week. He was desperately afraid of making a mistake in front of her. Their relationship was treading on thin ice; one slip-up could send it crashing into the icy waters below.

He sat underneath their special tree at the accustomed day and time, gnawing anxiously on his fingernails until they bled, tapping his foot, whipping his head around to look for a glimpse of her coming to see him.

Lily Evans was many things; but being a cruel person was not one of them. She kept her date, and smiled warmly at him as she sat next to him. He felt his muscles, tense with nervousness, suddenly relax.

"You came," he said, a note of wonder in his voice.

She grinned. "You're my friend, Sev," she said. "And even though you do things that... well, kind of scare me, I don't want that to ruin our friendship. I know that you're not necessarily a _bad _person; as they say, we're a product of the world around us, and your influences are pretty negative, with your dad and the other Slytherins and all. Well, anyway, we've had some really awesome times together. I just hope that you thought about what I said and maybe you'll want to rethink a few things."

He nodded vigorously. "I have, I have," he said. "You totally hit the nail on the head. I don't want to be like Lucius or Bellatrix or whoever. I want to be_ different._ I want to be... more like you." He blushed, and lowered his eyes.

"That's really sweet, Sev," she said, "And that's more like the Sev I know."

She began to tell him about Charms; she was a huge fan of them, and was even considering perhaps being a Charms professor when she grew up. As she spoke, Severus' mind wandered. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was when she smiled; how her eyes would light up and her hands would flutter around in the air, helping to tell the story. She had dimpled in her cheeks and when you were sitting as close to her as he was, you could see a tiny sprinkling of freckles on her nose, almost like pepper.

She was like a porcelain doll, tiny and perfect, with a mane of red curls glistening in the early-morning light, matching up with a glowing personality. That was the perfect word to describe it: glow. She was just so intrigued and excited by even the smallest of things. She was absolutely sunny, not a single cloud in the sky.

Without realising what he was doing, he began to inch towards her. As she continued talking, he reached forward and took her hand in his. As she looked into his eyes questioningly, he impulsively leaned forward and kissed her.

As soon as his lips touched hers, Severus felt like sparks were flying. He felt all of his worries and fears drifting away; it was almost as if they were leaking out of his skin and floating off into the air. She tasted like peaches and nutmeg; he was just so focussed on Lily, drinking in the intoxicating smell of her hair, her skin; he did not see or hear anything around him. It was almost like nothing and nobody else existed to him, mattered to him.

His hands snaked around her and he pressed her to him even tighter, not realising that she wasn't responding to him, not even aware that she was struggling to get free. He was so wrapped up in the kiss that his common sense escaped him.

Lily managed to jerk herself out of his grip. She recoiled from him as if he had burnt her with a white-hot poker. Before he could register what was happening, he saw a flash of white and felt burning sensation on his cheek.

_She had slapped him._

"_How could you?_" she screamed. As he gazed blankly at her, her hand came up and slapped him again, on the other cheek, harder this time.

"I thought you were my _friend,_ Severus!" she exclaimed. "How _dare _you... you... _violate _me like that!"

"I didn't..."

"You _did!_" she snapped. "You kissed me and you _knew _I didn't want to, but you did it anyway! You're... you're... I can't believe I even _talk _to you!"

Tears brimmed in her green eyes and her face was flushed. "This is _it!_ I'm never, never talking to you _again!" _She turned on her heel sharply and broke into a heavy run.

"Lily! Lily, I didn't mean it! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he sprinted after her, his heart racing in his chest.

He was faster than she was; for a stringy boy, he was in fairly good physical condition. He quickly overtook her and planted himself in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders

"Lily, listen to me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I... I..."

"Get _away _from me!" she screamed, and ripped his arms off of her.

He almost didn't recognize her. Her green eyes were almost slits, and she was flushed with anger. He could see the rage in her eyes, coupled with the hurt. It almost couldn't be the gentle, beautiful creature he'd seen earlier.

"Go to hell, Snivelley," she snapped. "Go to hell and leave me alone."

Before he could stop her, she stalked away from him.

He watched her figure disappear into the castle.

Gone.

Forever.

_What have I done? _rang in his ears. _Oh my God. What have I done? _

* * *

**Author's Notes:_  
_**

**The next few chapters here! Please make suggestions in the reviews!**

**Mucho love!**

**ChiaraMikami**


	3. III

**III**

_In which we witness utter mayhem, a bitter Severus Snape, a deadly mix, two martyrs, and one... hero?_

"Lily? Lily! What are you doing? We were looking all over for you!"

Alice Sayers and Rachel Higgens entered the dormitory, their mock-reproaching words dying in their mouths. They stopped, perplexed, as they watched their usually super-put-together friend curled up on her bed, sobbing into her pillow.

Alice took a seat on Lily's bed and gently tapped her friend on the shoulder. "Merlin. Lily, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Lily stopped crying long enough to shake her head no.

Rachel joined the two girls on the bed. "Sweetie," she began, speaking as gently as she could. "You need to tell us what's wrong. We can't help you if we don't know what you're upset about."

Lily didn't answer. Alice looked at Rachel, frantic. "Should we get Madam Pomfrey? Maybe she's having a panic attack or something!"

"No!" Rachel hissed back. "Don't involve anybody else. Lily doesn't need any extra stress. Go lock the door."

Alice cast a worried look at her and got up reluctantly. She bolted the heavy dormitory door shut and hovered awkwardly around the other two. Rachel was speaking quietly to Lily, and patting her hand. Ever so slowly, Lily began to calm down, her loud crying turning into a low, hiccuping whimper.

"I'm so, so sorry, you guys," she mumbled. "I'm such a wimp. Pathetic, I know."

Rachel wrapped her arms around Lily and gave her a comforting squeeze. "You're not being pathetic, Lily. You've had a hard day."

Lily shrugged. "It's just so stupid. I don't even know why I was carrying on like that."

"You want to talk about it?" Alice asked, leaning in to give Lily a hug too.

Her heart in her throat, Lily let go of Alice and shook her head. "No, not really. It's stupid. I'd rather just forget about all it."

"Are you _sure_?" Alice pressed. "Because if not, I -"

Rachel elbowed her in the ribs and shot her a warning glance.

"You want to go down to the kitchens and get some sugar?" Rachel offered, a mischievous look in her dark eyes. "There isn't anything a double-chocolate cookie with walnuts can't fix."

Lily laughed, brushing a few leftover tears out of her eyes with the back of her hand. "Um, okay."

Rachel bounded up off the bed, dragging Alice and Lily with her. She hooked arms with the two girls and grinned her classic wolf-smile.

"Then let's go, _amigas,_" she declared. "Cookie calories await!"

* * *

The lingering taste of chocolate melting on her tongue, Lily snuggled under her blankets once more, her thoughts swirling like hot socks in a dryer. She didn't know _what _to think, really.

She could still feel Severus' kiss on her lips. Despite the fact that he'd been kissing her forcibly, as if it was his only opportunity in the world, his lips had been incredibly soft and plush, sort of like a peach. He'd tasted sweet, like maple syrup and dark molasses. Too sweet, almost.

She didn't know what to make of it. Why had he kissed her? Did he _like _her or something? Why would he? They were so different; and the relationship between them had been very strained over the last little while.

She fell into a fitful sleep, with much tossing and turning. Her dreams were filled with rehashes of the kiss, all of them identical to the last.

Next, she dreamed that she was in the library with Rachel and Alice. They were having an intense tête-à-tête at a table, while she stood upright next to them. She tried to tell them to stop gossiping about her, but they couldn't hear her.

_Do you like him, Lily? Are you repressing your true feelings because you're afraid of getting hurt?_ Rachel asked her, her eyes like laser beams.

_No, she doesn't, _Alice argued, before Lily could have a chance to respond. _He's just a friend. Always has been, always will be. And besides, she never felt anything for him before he went and kissed her. Of course she's confused, he's stirred up all her emotions and now she's going to trick herself into thinking that she's in love!_

_But if she didn't care for him, she wouldn't cry, _pointed out Rachel, _She'd act differently. She would have told us all about it, and we'd have a good old laugh at his expense, not sparing his feelings at all._

_Au contraire,_ Alice disagreed. _Don't forget what happened _after _he kissed her She pushed him off of her. She told him off. If she did like him, she would have let him kiss her. She would have enjoyed it. But she didn't. So that means she doesn't care for him._

_Well, maybe she's just confused. Maybe - _

Lily's dream-self opened her mouth and let out a roar. _SHUT UP! Just stop it! I didn't tell you guys any of this! You weren't supposed to know! Nobody was! Shut UP! _

Lily woke up in a cold sweat, her heart thudding in her chest. Why was she making such a

big deal over a little kiss?

Surely it didn't _mean_ anything!

But what if it _did?_

_What would she do then?_

* * *

He was so stupid.

How could he have ever believed that Lily cared for him? How could he had ever dreamed, ever _hoped_ that someone like her would ever want to be with someone like him.

He should have known all along. The beautiful princess does not end up with the village leper. She gets together with prince, living in the sprawling house on the hill, surrounded by adoring friends, happily ever after.

Happily ever after, except for the leper.

Severus ground his teeth together bitterly and tightened his grip on his quill. He looked up and tried to focus on the Transfiguration lesson in front of him, but his mind was clouded with thoughts of Lily.

Lily, who was lost to him. Who never wanted to see his face again.

The quill snapped. Severus cast a quick look at the fragments in his hand and sighed, placing them gently on the writing desk.

There was only one consolation: If he couldn't have Lily, at least he was reassured that James Potter couldn't have her either.

* * *

"Gryffindor leading, sixty points to Slytherin's thirty!" bellowed Janessa Braverman through the enchanted megaphone. "Take that, suckers!"

Lily watched idly as Professor Vickers snatched the megaphone from Janessa and scolded the older girl.

"Er, sorry folks, Professor V. doesn't approve of my commentary here. Anyway, looks like Chaser McEllaney of Gryffindor has the Quaffle... passes it to Chaser Hamilton..."

Alice jabbed Lily in the ribs with her elbow. "Lils? Everything okay? You look like you're a million light-years away or something."

Lily shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine." She drew a package of Chocolate Frogs from her pocket and unwrapped them, offering one to her friend.

Alice accepted and crunched the candy slowly between her teeth. "I don't mean to pry, Lily, but lately you've been acting a little... strange. Kinda moodier than usual. Is it something I did?"

Lily shook her head no and lowered her voice. "Can you keep a secret, Alice?"

Alice's eyes widened. "Of course!"

"You can't tell a soul, Ally. Not even Rachel. Or Ginger."

"You got it, girl."

Lily glanced left and right. Satisfied that everyone was so focussed on the Quidditch game, she whispered into Alice's ear. "Severus Snape kissed me."

"WHAT?!" Alice nearly jumped out of her seat. "Are you freakin' kidding me?"

"I swear to God, I'm not lying."

Alice exhaled loudly. "Merlin, Lily. You're not... he's not..."

"No, we're not like... together. In fact, I pushed him off of me."

Alice nodded her approval.

"I told him never to talk to me again. Ever. We're done being friends. He's going his way, and I'm going mine."

"We all kind of figured that he liked you or something," Alice admitted. "I mean, it's pretty rare that Gryffindors and Slytherins are even friendly towards each other. But I never would have imagined that he would have forced himself on you like that."

Lily bit her lip. Did she dare tell Alice that she was having mixed feelings about the whole thing? That she was questioning herself over whether she felt the same way about him?

"It's just a stupid little kiss," she heard herself saying, a little loudly. "I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm not going to worry so much about it, Ally."

Alice grinned. "Good. I hate seeing you so torn up about it."

"Eh, whatever. Let's just watch the game," Lily popped the last Frog into her mouth. "I'm tired of worrying about stupid things."

* * *

"I want to talk to you."

"I'd prefer not to, Snape, I really would."

"At least hear me out. Please."

Lily stopped walking and fixed an icy glare upon her old friend. "Fine," she muttered. "But it better be quick."

Severus smiled bitterly and led her into an empty corridor where nobody would listen in. Leaning up against the wall, he gave a great sigh and began to speak.

"Look, Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you do something you didn't want to do. Really. And I don't want to lose our friendship because... because of _this._" he wrung his hands a little. "I just..."

"You were the one who changed everything," Lily interrupted. "We were best friends. Wasn't that enough for you?"

"Lily, I..."

"You what? Didn't know? Didn't care? Well, Severus, I'm tired of this. Maybe we were able to be friends before, but it's not working now. I'm tired of lying and cancelling on things people have asked me to participate in because I have to go and see you. I'm tired of having to deal with people ragging on me because I'm friends with you. And I'm tired of you doing things and leaving me in the dark. Friends don't keep secrets, Severus. They share their thoughts and souls with each other. Because _they trust each other._ And I don't think I can trust you anymore."

Severus said nothing.

Encouraged by this, Lily fired up for round two. "And then you think you can kiss me without talking to me first? You automatically believe that I'm going to respond in exactly the same way? Well, life doesn't work like that, Severus. You can't just impulsively jump into things without consulting people beforehand. And you certainly can't go messing with my head and my feelings.

"I used to really like hanging out with you, Severus. You were my first friend here. But I just don't think we have anything in common any more."

With that, Lily turned on her heel and stalked away, leaving Severus wondering what the heck just happened.

* * *

Severus Snape stirred his cauldron, basking in the warmth of the cerulean fumes that filled the room.

Bloodroot.

Witch's Hazel.

Lemon thyme.

Black Widow Spiders.

There was nobody to peer over his shoulder; nobody to critique the technique he was applying; nobody at all to break the silence.

This was the way he liked it.

Severus put down his spoon and glided over to the supplies cabinet. What to add? He wasn't following any recipe; he was combining his knowledge of Potions and his own ideas into an aromatic blend that he was sure, would sweep the world off its feet.

He pawed through bags and tins, stopping here and there to inspect ingredients, putting them back as quickly as he acquired them.

He needed one last ingredient, one last touch. One last piece of the jigsaw. He felt as if he were pouring himself, his own soul, into the cauldron, and all he was missing was one last essence.

_What was this? _A small, blood-coloured pouch lingered at the very back of the cabinet. Unmarked. He did not think he had ever noticed it before.

Severus' spidery fingers curled around the pouch, and in one swift move, he opened it and peered inside.

Tiger lily.

_Of course, _he thought to himself as he emptied the pouch into his hand, running his fingers gently over the soft, fire-coloured petals. _I should have known._

Severus dropped the lilies into the cauldron. The brew hissed and snapped, and swallowed them whole. The room filled with their sweet scent.

He liked the smell. It reminded him of Lily.

Lily and their forbidden love.

Severus gave the potion a final stir. He did not know the powers of what he had created. He did not know what to call it, even.

Severus heard footsteps outside of the classroom door. In a panic, he collected a small sample of his potion and emptied his cauldron. Grabbing the rest of the ingredients, he threw open the wooden door of the supply cabinet and clambered inside, making himself as small as possible.

The classroom door opened with a familiar creak. Through a small crack in the wood, Severus could make out the figure of the Potions Master, Professor Fallon.

Fallon lumbered around the classroom, muttering under his breath. He dumped an armful of books onto his desk but then suddenly stopped, smelling the air with a perplexed look on his doughy face. He glanced left and right, and sniffed once more. Severus could hear his footsteps getting louder as Fallon approached the cabinet. To his relief, Fallon passed him by.

Severus let out a muffled sigh as Fallon gave a final mighty sniff, then shrugged and walked out, slamming the door hard. He waited until he heard the lock give a small click and when Fallon's footsteps got gradually quieter as he walked off, Severus climbed out of the closet, his fingers wrapped tightly around the small flask.

He examined the bottle, turning it in his hands. He had no idea what powers it possessed, if any. He wasn't even sure it was safe to drink.

He pulled out the stopper and wafted the fiery fumes escaping from the bottle towards him. The sweet scent of thyme and lily filled his nose. It was such an intoxicating scent, he wished the fumes would wrap themselves around him like he hoped Lily would do someday.

Sighing, he stoppered the bottle and began to put it in the pocket of his tattered robes. Just before he dropped it inside, he stopped.

What happened if he was pushed or tripped in the corridor, as he was at least twice daily? He would surely land flat on his face, and the bottle would shatter. He would lose the only sample he had, and he ran the chance of being hurt by the contents of the bottle, if it was toxic or dangerous. He couldn't risk carrying around an unknown formula, anyway. Someone could riffle through his few belongings and steal it. And he would be responsible if any chaos brewed from _his _creation.

Severus pulled his hand out of his pocket and stashed the bottle safely behind a shelf of ragged books that hardly anybody used since they had purchased their own during the summer. It would stay there, tucked away, until he could figure out what exactly he had created.

The sweet scent of tiger lily still tickling his nose, Severus slipped quietly out of the empty classroom and headed down the hall.

* * *

"Yes, Miss Evans?"

"Gilford Hughes discovered the root that he named after his deceased wife, Ranelle, while camping in northern Canada."

"Very good, Miss Evans. Take five points for Gryffindor." Professor Fallon rested his hands on top of his portly stomach. "And what powers does Ranelle's Root possess? How about you, Mr. Flavi?"

Severus uncrossed his legs and stared up at the ceiling idly. He hated having to participate in Professor Fallon's boring pre-lesson quiz. Fallon always waited until you had stared off into space or out a window before calling on you. He also liked to sneak up behind glassy-eyed students and scare them by talking to them loudly in the ear.

"Mr. Snape, would you like to tell us what differentiates Ranelle's Root and the Root of Amberline, or would you prefer to continue daydreaming in the Headmaster's office?"

"Ranelle's Root can only be found in the northern provinces of Canada, like Lily said. It can be used to cool down high-temperature fevers, unlike the Root of Amberline, which cannot touch human skin, without causing the human in question to scream profusely from the root burning them to the bone."

Professor Fallon gave a small cough. "That is correct," he admitted, running his fingers through his thinning, salt-and-pepper hair. "A point for Slytherin. Now, Miss DuFresne, can you tell us another name for the Root of Amberline?"

The quiz continued. Severus noted that Lily had been called on three times (Fallon liked her) and had always been correct and precise in her answers. To Severus' great surprise, James Potter answered his question perfectly as well. It seemed that despite the fact that he was a conceited, over-confident jerk, he sported a quick mind.

"... Men, partner up with a lady. Ladies, vice versa. We'll be creating the Draught of Hopeless Antics, on page fifty-three of your textbook, using both roots we've just discussed!" Professor Fallon clapped his hands. "Hop to!"

The students scrambled, locking eyes with each other and claiming cauldrons next to friends. Severus stood motionless in the middle of the flurry. He knew very well that most girls would rather choke themselves than have to spend the better part of a hour-and-a-half lesson working in close proximity of him.

"Everybody have partners? No? Well, Miss Evans, you can partner with... Mr. Snape? No partner as well? No problem! You two can have the cauldron in the corner, and I'll expect a prime specimen to show the class afterwards!" Professor Fallon laughed jovially and dragged a morose Lily behind him by the wrist. "Off you go!"

Severus took his place on the left of the cauldron. Lily slammed her books on the desk and flipped half-heartedly to page fifty-three. Her eyes swept across the page, and without a word, she glided over to the supply cabinet and assembled the ingredients in front of them.

"Thank you," Severus tried.

She said nothing and unstoppered a small flask of safflower oil.

"I really hope we can move on past this and get the work done."

Lily snapped the top off a tin of Scarab beetles and counted out nine of them onto the table.

"You're not still mad at me, are you?"

Lily rolled her eyes. She crushed down on the Scarabs with a silver knife. "Whatever. I just want to get this done, all right?"

"Fine." Tight-lipped, Severus turned on the heat under the cauldron and began to pour the ingredients Lily had set out for him.

They worked in silence. The only time they spoke was when Lily's hand accidentally brushed against Severus' when they both reached for the same bottle.

"Sorry."

"It's allright."

Lily opened her mouth to say more, but her eyes narrowed and she busied herself with replacing the lids on bottles and tins.

"Awh, Evans, why so miserable? Working with Snivellus, I see? Next time we do this, I'll work with you. Promise, my dear!" James Potter grinned mischievously from two cauldrons overs and blew a kiss in her direction.

"Eh, screw you, Potter, you couldn't get with me if you were the last piece of male meat on this Earth!" Lily called back, giving him the evil eyeball.

"Screw me? I'd be insulted if you didn't!" James replied, raising his eyebrows suggestively. The girl he was working with frowned. Sirius Black, working beside James, hooted in support of his friend.

"Less flirting, more stirring!" snapped Fallon. He pulled out his pocketwatch. "You've only got forty-five minutes, no more, and this time, I mean it, Miss DuFresne!"

Lily gave the cauldron a swift stir with a long-handled spoon. "Loser," she muttered.

"What was that?" asked Severus.

"James Potter is a such loser," she repeated, her voice low. "Embarrassing me in the middle of Potions! As if that'll make him somehow appealing! I just think-" She stopped, acutely aware of who she was talking to.

Severus sighed. "I know you're mad at me, Lily. You have a good reason to be. I shouldn't have... have done what I did to you that day, anyway," he blushed. "It's just... I thought there was something there. I thought maybe you were feeling it too. But I was wrong. So wrong. And I'm just so sorry." He looked up at her through his greasy dark bangs. "I know you don't like me. I know you want to be friends with better people. And you deserve it, really. But I'm still going to want to be your friend. No matter what."

Lily bit down hard on her lip, weighing her words carefully. "We'll never speak of this again," she said at last. "Ever. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he answered, simply.

"I told Alice," she admitted, her cheeks reddening, matching his. "But she won't say anything, I know it. And if I ever think she will- I'll just put a Memory Charm on her or something. I'll figure out a way."

"Okay."

They looked at each other for a moment. "Never again," Lily whispered.

"I swear."

"Allright then."

Solemnly they finished their potion, cleared away their ingredients and collected a sample for Professor Fallon, a million unspoken words floating between them.

* * *

"This _blows._"

"Shut up."

"_Really, _Prongs? Did you _have _to put a live beetle in Morganna's hair? What was the point of that?"

"Hey, it's not my fault she screamed and knocked a whole bottle of safflower oil into your cauldron. I'm not the one who nearly blew up the room with his potion."

Sirius raked his fingers through his curly hair and put his feet up on his desk. "Sheez, Prongs. I wanted to spend tonight with my girl, not cooped up in this place waiting for Fallon to finish stuffing himself at the feast."

"Eh, be grateful he's not here breathing down our necks, allright?'

Sirius shrugged. "Whatever."

James stood up and pawed through Fallon's desk. "Shit, Padfoot. Look at his wife! She's gotta be half-troll or something!"

"Let me see that!"

James grinned and tossed Sirius the framed photograph. "Three-quarters at least," proclaimed Sirius. "Even the goblins look sexy compared to this!"

"Please don't ever use the words "goblins" and "sexy" in the same sentence without the words "will never be even remotely close to" in between, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius handed James the photo and looked around. "What time is it?" he asked, watching James shuffle through Fallon's private potions stores for a moment.

"Dunno."

"What are you even doing, Prongs?"

"Not the foggiest idea. I'm just bored. Maybe I'll come across a bottle of Felix Felicis or something."

"Doubt it, but I won't stop you."

"'Preciate it, ol' boy," James pushed aside a couple of rusted sets of scales. "So, how are things with Ashley or Andrea or whatever-her-name-is?"

"Adrienne. And she's boring as hell, but it doesn't really matter because she's got the softest hair and lips."

"Mmhmm."

"Jealous?" Sirius arched an eyebrow.

"Nah, just a little down. I've tried everything in the book, and outside the box, and Evans won't have anything to do with me! She even prefers Snivellus to me! Do you know how humiliating that is?"

"Actually," said Sirius, adjusting himself to a more comfortable position, "I hear they're not as close as they used to be."

"Where'd you hear that from?"

"Can't remember, but they're saying that Snivellus pissed her off somehow, and she's not as forgiving as she was before."

"Sweet." James replaced a shiny silver instrument on a shelf and moved towards one that was crammed with papers and books.

"Yeah, I think it was that tiny brunette from Ravenclaw who told me that. You know, that one who stalked me half of last year? What was her name? Mandy?"

"I dunno... hey, Padfoot, look at this." James suddenly produced a bottle of fire-coloured liquid and shook it, watching a few golden stripes sway back and forth.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Behind those books over there." James gestured vaguely towards the shelf. "Look at it, Padfoot. Have you ever seen a potion this colour before?"

"Yeah, but I've never seen a potion have zebra stripes before."

"I wonder what it does."

"I wonder who was hiding it," replied Sirius. "I mean, Fallon wouldn't stuff something like this behind some books. It could get lost."

"Maybe some bloke made it and hid it, but then forgot about it," suggested James, passing the bottle over to Sirius, who tilted it this way and that.

"I don't think so, Prongs," he said, his eyes focussed on the bottle. "This looks new. Remember how all we had last year were these old storing bottles? They just bought clean ones this year. And nothing's yellowed or chipped on this one."

"We should probably ask Fallon what it does," said James. "I mean, it could be poisonous or something."

"The second we do, it's not ours anymore," sighed Sirius. "The second we hand it over, he's going to take it away, especially if it's something super cool and powerful."

"Or, he's going to try to get us expelled if it's something dangerous. He'd tell the Headmaster we made it to try to kill the Slytherins or whatever. Nobody would believe us if we said we found it behind some old books."

"Should we hold on to it, then?"

"Yeah," said James. "Here, give it to me, I'll put it in my trunk when we get out of here."

The door to the Potions room suddenly swung open on its hinges. Startled, Sirius fumbled, and the potion slipped out from between his fingers. The two boys watched in horror as the bottle tumbled down and smashed into the stone floor, splashing both of them with its contents.

The last thing James remembered before the darkness enveloped him was the scream escaping from his friend's mouth and the sizzle of the fire-coloured liquid on his skin.

* * *

_The last thing he saw was the shattered glass on the floor and the pained expression on his best friend's face._

_What had they done?_

_And why did he feel like he was on fire?_

* * *

"_Sirius."_

The word came out like a low, ragged whisper. He tried to say more, but it was as if his throat had closed up.

Where was his best friend?

James winced as he tried to move his neck. His whole body felt raw and sore, like he'd crawled inside a boiling cauldron and stayed in there for hours or something.

He glanced over to the hospital bed next to his. A body nearly covered in white bandages laid there, perfectly still. The only reassurance that it was still alive was the soft, steady movement of its chest going up and down as it breathed.

"Sirius?"James whispered again, gently rolling over onto his side.

"Yeah?" came the equally soft, weak voice from the bed. When the figure moved to face him, James could see the familiar silky black curls and dark eyes, still glittering with mischief, through all the gauze.

"Thank Merlin you're alive, ol' buddy. I was afraid for a second there that you didn't make it."

"I've been awake for at least two hours. _I _thought _you _were never going to wake up." Sirius sighed. James could tell by the look on his face that his friend was in a lot of pain.

"How bad is it?" James dared to ask.

Sirius' eyes darkened. "Like I said, I've been up listening to Madam Pomfrey. Apparently Professor Fallon found us lying on the floor, with a broken bottle beside us and covered in liquid that was burning us nearly to death. They don't know what the potion was, they don't know how to cure it and they don't know what kind of permanent damage we'll have." His voice became raspy and hoarse as he choked out each word.

"Merlin," muttered James again, stars swimming before his eyes. "They didn't know what it was? The potion, I mean?"

"No."

James rolled over onto his back, grimacing as the burns bit into his back. "We must have gotten rained on," he said, "because I'm sore all over."

"I feel it mostly on my chest and arms," whispered Sirius, "but it must be soaking into our bloodstream or something, because I'm all warm and burnt on my legs and face, too."

They were silent for awhile.

"I'm really sorry, Padfoot," James said quietly to his friend. "I shouldn't have gone poking around in the shelves."

"I'm sorry I dropped the bottle, Prongs," came the pained reply from the other bed. "If I hadn't, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

"Just shut up and rest," whispered James, feeling the drowsiness wrapping around him again. "All this talking is just going to hurt us more."

Sirius nodded his head and closed his eyes.

Together, the two Marauders laid, nearly immobile, still feeling the flickering flames of the wrath of Severus Snape snapping at their faces, their chests, and their hearts.

* * *

Nobody saw hide nor hair of James Potter or Sirius Black for three whole weeks. They heard nothing, either. It was almost as if the two of them had disappeared off the face of the Earth.

The first rumours hissed tales of expulsion; that the two of them had finally had their papers signed and their trunks packed, ready to head home, this time for good.

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were able to silence these rumours; they shared a room with their fellow Marauders, and the other boys' belongings stayed where they always had been, year after year. However, Remus and Peter were as equally in the dark about their friends' situation as any other student at Hogwarts.

About midway through the first week, it was apparent that James and Sirius were in the hospital wing. But Madam Pomfrey would not allow any visitors. She kept the curtains closed and the doors locked. The staff members (particularly Professor Fallon) knew of course of the boys' disposition, but they were forbidden to breathe a word of what had occurred; that is, until James and Sirius' condition was at least _identified._

By the end of the second week, worries were running on high gear when Mr. Potter was seen ushering his teary wife out of the hospital wing, followed closely by the stony-faced and grim Mr. and Mrs. Black. At this point, the students knew something was going terribly wrong; it was procedure to inform the parents of an injury by owl, but never before had an injury been so serious that the parents had to physically appear by their child's bedside.

As the third week drew to a close, Albus Dumbledore knew that he had no other option: James Potter and Sirius Black _had _to be transferred to Saint Mungo's.

"They simply are not improving," he said to his staff at the long, redwood table where they always sat to conduct meetings. "Despite the courageous efforts of our medical team, there is nothing more we can do for them."

Whispering flooded the room. Dumbledore held up his hands and a hush settled over the teachers.

"Will the boys die?" Professor Ray-Nelle, who taught Arithmancy, asked. Her squeaky voice shook a little, like a leaf.

"We're not sure about that," snapped Madam Pomfrey from the other end of the table. "We don't even know what _happened _to them."

Professor Fallon spoke up next. "I'll tell you what happened to them," he thundered, "They were _supposed _to be writing an essay on proper classroom procedures for detention. I stepped out for a moment, and when I returned, they were rolling on the floor, glass everywhere, covered in some sort of potion that was burning them nearly to the bone!"

"Negligence on your part," sniffed Professor Cartier, who taught Care of Magical Creatures. She folded her hands primly on the table. "Students should never be in class unattended."

Professor Fallon's face reddened like a beet. Luckily, Dumbledore directed a question at him just at that moment.

"Have you taken a look at the potion itself?"

Fallon nodded. "I've never seen anything like it before," he said gruffly. "I've looked in every book, every registry of potions. There are no matches. However, what I do know is that the potion is incredibly complex. Potter and Black are bright students, but they could have never mixed such a thing."

"Is it possible that they mixed miscellaneous ingredients together and it malfunctioned on them?" asked Dumbledore shrewdly.

"That is highly unlikely," said Professor Fallon slowly. "From the sample I looked at, whoever created this potion knows quite a bit about this art. For example, I found traces of tiger lily and black widow spider. Tiger lily is known to be added to potions in order to create intense heat, and black widow spiders are used in potions in order to get a potion to spread quickly through the blood. Just for reference, we do not carry black widow spiders in this school because of their deadly effects in potions. It was most likely brought in by an outside source. I'd also like to add that this potion was fermented for at least five days, perhaps more. This rules out any possibility that Potter and Black brewed this potion while I was gone.

"The reaction the boys suffered was of burns, burns that were spreading to even the parts of the body not touched by the splash of potion. Whoever created this knew of its effects, or at least some of them. They knew that what they were creating was dangerous, and I suspect that they were planning on using it to cause major damage. I believe that Potter and Black stumbled upon it by accident. Perhaps they found it around the school; maybe they purchased it from a shady seller. But if the potion had been planted in that classroom, waiting for someone else; perhaps they were not the intended victims at all."

A series of gasps filled the room. "You don't mean..." whispered Professor Cartier, "that there is _someone _in the school who is intentionally trying to _kill _a student or teacher here?"

"It's possible," replied Fallon. "But I hope, for the students' sakes, and ours, that it was simply a potion gone wrong, a mix that someone threw together, ignorant of its true powers."

There was a long silence as everyone chewed on this thought. It was a possible one, yes, but creeping in the back of each teacher's mind was the idea that a potential killer was running loose in the school.

"How are Potter and Black at present?" Dumbledore asked Madam Pomfrey.

"They are _very bad condition_," she replied huffily. "The burns are severe, and they cover about sixty-five per cent of the boys' bodies. They're lucky that they were only splashed, they'd probably be dead if they had even tasted that potion! Both of them are running incredibly high fevers, and we're beginning to suspect that internal damage is forming already from the effects of that potion. I only hope that the remedies we _have _tried have not made the situation worse."

Dumbledore nodded and stood up. "Thank you for your attention," he said to his staff. "I will be contacting Saint Mungo's this evening to arrange for Potter and Black to be transported there for further care. You may inform your students of this fact tomorrow, in order to prevent any rumours from forming. Good night to you all."

* * *

"Professor Fallon? May I... uh, borrow a book from the shelf over there? I can't seem to find mine." Severus' heart thumped in his throat. He was anxious to check if his potion was still sitting safely behind the ancient papers.

He doubted it. How could it be that James Potter and his sidekick Black should suddenly both fall ill one evening from a mysteriously grave, unknown condition after being perfectly fine that same morning? Was it a coincidence that the illness had begun after they were supposed to be serving a detention for Professor Fallon after Double Potions with the Slytherins, in the very same room that Severus had brewed and hidden his potion?

It was all his fault. He should have prepared for the worst; and even though the potion had only been hidden for several days, he should have known that something would happen to it.

Fallon waved his hand dismissively towards the shelf. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles, and the rumours around the school whispered that the Professor blamed himself for what had happened to James and Sirius. After all, the boys had been in perfect health until they were left alone in his class serving detention.

Severus gingerly approached the shelf. As soon as he took a closer look at it, it was apparent that the shelf had been tampered with since he'd last touched it. The papers and books had been crammed haphazardly on it instead of being in two neat piles.

He pulled a book off and tried to look inconspicuously past all the others. His heart raced when all he saw behind the books was the dark brown section of wood that made up the back of the shelf.

Severus staggered back to his seat, dazed. There was no denying it now: James Potter and Sirius Black had taken his potion. Had they drunk it? Spilled it on themselves? Whatever they had done, he knew that they were in grave danger. The black widow spiders he had purchased in Diagon Alley were the most dangerous ingredient he'd added; in fact, he'd had to forge a signature from his mother saying that she gave her permission for him to buy them before the shopkeeper would even let him _touch _the bin that held the spiders.

Severus quickly scrawled down the ingredients he had added in the potion, writing beside each one the effects listed in the mouldy old textbook perched on the edge of his desk. When he was finished, he nearly gasped.

He couldn't be sure, but now, looking down at his list, that the potion he'd created was an incredibly dangerous one. One that most definitely would be added to the list of Potions that were deemed Dark.

One that would scald and spread through the blood if it was drunk or came in contact with the skin, finishing by creating so much damage to the internal organs that the victims would die; slowly, painfully. A gruelling death.

Severus looked up.

_I'm killing James Potter and Sirius Black, _he thought to himself in amazement. _Right now, I'm hurting them like they hurt _me.

_I'm killing James Potter and Sirius Black! I'm KILLING them! I'm really doing it!_

He felt his heart race in his chest. Yes, he'd told Lucius Malfoy so long ago, that he would get his revenge. He would make them _pay. _

But with their lives? Were their crimes against him so horrible that he would strip them of their most valuable asset - their own lives?

Would he be able to live with himself knowing that he had ended two lives? Of course, those lives belonged to people that he hated, that hated him. But still, they were humans, _people, _with family and friends, futures, hopes, dreams, fears...

He had waited years for this day to come. But now that it was here, he was unsure what to do. What decision made the most sense. The decision that would not haunt him for the rest of his life.

Severus laid his head down on the desk. _Good, evil, good, evil... _

_What am I? _

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
**

**This is by far the longest bit, I apologize for that. :3**

**I hope you're loving this as much as I do!**

**ChiaraMikami**


	4. IV

**IV**

_In which we meet Eileen Prince Snape for the first time, and witness a cry for help, a confession, and a vow_

Disappointment.

Oh, yes. Eileen Prince Snape was familiar with this word, _disappointment, _all right.

She'd been a disappointment all her life. Always had been, always would be. It didn't matter what she did; she would carry that branding for ever.

Eileen laid her head down on the table, feeling the familiar dents and cracks, amassed over the years, reminders of what had been done, what had been hurt and never went away.

She was a Prince; a pure-blood, a girl who belonged to a family of greatness, a family that had standards which she never could quite fit into. She had always been the troubled, mediocre middle child._ She could still see her sisters' faces in her mind:_

Pretty Daniella, two years older, with her raven-coloured hair and clear blue eyes, giggling as she returned from school in the summertime with her perfect grades and her perfect friends and the perfect way she talked, walked, dressed, _lived. _Daniella had married an equally perfect, successful husband and lived now in a manor house on the shore of a lake, counting her money and gossiping over tea and biscuits.

Then Rosalind, a year younger, who was delicate and fragile as a dove. Her father's favourite. Rosalind was so sweet and good-natured that she managed to land a job as a Healer at Saint Mungo's only a year after she graduated from Hogwarts. She was the type of woman now who sent out pretty Christmas cards of her two children and husband, baked ginger snaps and lemon tarts on the weekends, and had a lovely garden with a wishing well and a frog pond, bordered with beds of neatly groomed daffodils and irises.

_And then there was Eileen. Eileen, who wasn't pretty, wasn't athletic, wasn't incredibly intelligent or talented in any way. Eileen, who ran away from home with the man she thought was her one-way ticket to eternal bliss. Eileen, who was wrong on all counts. Eileen, who was a _disappointment.

Eileen sat up, massaging her temples. Why had Fate always dealt her the unlucky hand? She glanced over at her husband, Tobias, passed out on the couch, his sallow body reeking of alcohol and sweat and meanness. She winced when she thought of what might happen when he woke up with a raging headache from the events that had passed the night before.

She looked away from him for a moment, surveying the house. It was small; no, not even small. It was tiny, with a peeling door and cracked concrete steps. The roof leaked in three places (she had to remind herself to empty the plastic beach buckets she'd placed underneath these spots every time it rained) and it was always chilly, due to the fact that they could not afford to heat the house in the winter. The furniture was tired and worn, the carpet stained, and the whitewashed walls had holes where Tobias had slammed his fist into them when he got into a rage.

It made her angry to have to live in such a place, but there was little she could do about it. Tobias worked at the textile mill down the street, and his salary was meagre, just enough to cover their bills and put a bit of food on the table. Sometimes Tobias would cash his cheque before she could intercept it and would blow it all on alcohol and cigarettes.

Those were the weeks where they both got a little thinner than they already were and even more gaunt-looking and irritable.

It would be so much easier if she had her wand. However, shortly after Severus had left for his first year at Hogwarts, Tobias had flown in a temper and had taken her wand from her. She'd spent days searching for it, but she had finally come to the conclusion that Tobias had most likely snapped it in half and thrown it away. She had snuck off to Ollivander's to get a price quoted for a new one, but the cost was just to heavy for her. Besides, she knew very well what would happen if Tobias ever caught her with a brand-new wand.

"_Bitch! I told you I want nothing to do with... that lot! You better fucking listen to me or I swear to God, I'll go down to Johnny Renier's, borrow his rifle and blow your goddamn fuckin' head off!" _

Eileen got to her feet and collected the empty beer cans that littered the floor and tossed them into the bin. She paused by the knife drawer, contemplating. Casting a quick look over her shoulder at the figure sleeping on the couch, she rummaged in the drawer until she had uncovered the long, sharp Bowie knife, which Tobias had bought to "protect himself" nearly ten years ago and had never actually used.

She picked it up and walked over to Tobias, both cold hands gripping the handle, shaking violently. _This could be it, Eileen, _she thought to herself. _This could all end now. _

She brought the knife down, gently grazing Tobias' cheek. He stirred and she stepped back, fear clasping her firmly in its jaws. As she looked closely at Tobias, she bit down on her lip hard. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, the pale skin drawn so tightly over his face that his cheekbones jutted out, the permanent scowl on his lips, the harsh words and even harsher physical pain he'd inflicted upon her, and the fact that more than twelve years had flown by since they'd met; the man he had once been lurked somewhere under the surface. The loving, caring man she'd fallen for so many years ago was still alive and breathing, even if she couldn't readily see him anymore.

She put down the knife and joined him on the couch, trying on a smile for the first time in days. Tobias' eyes snapped open, and he stared at her wordlessly for a moment, dazed.

"Damn it, Eileen," he muttered at last. "Can't you see I'm trying to fuckin' sleep? What the fuck do you want from me now?"

Gritting her teeth at his reply, she tried to shake it off. "Tobias, honey," she said, choosing her words carefully, in order to spin a realistic tale. "My sister's called. Her husband's...er, very ill and she needs me to go take care of her kids."

Tobias frowned. "What's he got?"

"Ah..." Eileen racked her brain for a moment, "She's not quite sure. But he's puking up blood and has an incredibly high fever. Not to mention the fact that he can't feel his legs."

Tobias didn't look impressed. "How long are you going to be gone for?"

"Oh, not very long, dear. Only two days. Maybe three, so she can get back on her feet and all."

Tobias regarded her suspiciously. Eileen almost never called him "honey" or "dear" and she most definitely did not usually go off helping her sisters with their every whim. But he was tired... and her leaving would give him a little peace...

"All right then," he grumbled, closing his eyes again. "I don't really give a fuck about what you do, Eileen. But before you go, get me a cigarette, I feel like shit right now. And you had better be back here in three days, or you'll regret it."

Eileen smiled to herself, and picked up a package of cigarettes resting on the table beside him. She lit one and pressed it into his hand, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Before he could change his mind, she snatched her coat off a chair and flew out the door, slamming it shut behind her.

_Diagon Alley, here I come, _she thought to herself, grinning madly.

* * *

The snowy owl glided through the air, its wings barely moving. It was a beautiful, powerful creature. In its talons it carried a small letter written on parchment in emerald-green ink.

Eileen did not notice the owl's progress. She was rummaging in the mailbox, her fingers icy cold from the wind.

"Electricity bill, water bill, advertisements... where's Tobias' cheque? It should have been here days ago," she muttered to herself, as she started to cram the envelopes, unopened, back into the dented metal box.

"_Argh_!" The snowy owl landed with a small _thump _on top of the mailbox, its talons making a terrible scratching noise as they dug into the aluminum. Surprised, Eileen staggered back a step and regarded the owl.

It screeched at her and held out its leg. Her fingers fumbling, she took the envelope from it and dug around in her coat pockets for a Knut or two to give the owl.

She placed a couple of coins into the owl's belt and it took off, flying so high in the air that it was only a white dot in the bright blue sky.

Eileen ripped open the envelope. "Severus had better not have gotten himself into trouble," she said to nobody in particular. "Because I won't stand for it, and Tobias might add a few scars to the ones he's already put on that boy." Her words were stark, and she ought to be ashamed and furious about what her husband had done to her only son, but she wasn't. Tobias' beatings were an event that happened so often it did not shock her anymore.

She unfolded the parchment and read the letter, gripping it tightly as her eyes swallowed up the words.

_Dear Mr and Mrs Tobias R. Snape:_

_In light of recent events, we would like to request a meeting regarding the progress of your son, Severus. We have a few concerns that we would like to share with you. We would also like your input on a course of action that we plan to put into place as soon as possible. Owl us at your earliest convenience with a date and time that are the most accommodating for you. Please note that all meetings must occur after 7 o'clock pm on weekdays and 9 o'clock am on week-ends._

_Best wishes, _

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster_

_Jacqueline Cartier, Head of Slytherin House _

Gritting her teeth, Eileen checked her watch, and flipped the letter over, scrawling a short note with a blue ball-point pen.

_I'll be there at once._

* * *

"Well, Mrs. Snape, it's a pleasure to meet you. I shall send for Professor Cartier, but in the meantime, please do have a seat," Albus Dumbledore gestured to a comfortable-looking mahogany chair on the other side of his desk.

Eileen remained standing, her dark eyes piercing into his blue ones. "What has he done now?" she asked, "He had better not have been expelled, I don't know what Tobias would say if he was..."

"Quite the contrary, Mrs. Snape," assured Dumbledore. "Severus is a bright child, and very eager to learn. He has a great aptitude for Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions, being at the top of the class for these two courses. He is a model student, very polite and respectful. We are definitely considering him for Prefect next year."

Eileen sagged into the chair. "Then why," she said, "Am I here?"

At that moment, Professor Cartier entered the room, her cheeks tinged with pink. She slammed the door shut behind her, apologizing profusely. "I'll just.. ah, set my bag down here...thank you, Albus... Oh, Mrs. Snape! How nice to meet you! I'm Professor Cartier, Head of Slytherin House and Professor of Care of Magical Creatures."

Eileen nodded in her direction, then turned back to the Headmaster. "If my son is performing so well," she began again, "then why have you called me in for a meeting?"

Professor Jacqueline Cartier was not one to waste time. In a plain, matter-of-fact way, she snapped open the lid of her briefcase and extracted a thick file, labelled _Severus Tobias Snape. _From that, she fanned out nearly fifty slips of pink-tinted parchment titled _Student Accident Reports, _laying them out before a startled and confused Eileen Prince Snape.

"Mrs. Snape," she said gravely, "I regret to inform you that your son has been the unfortunate target of extreme bullying over the past four years. Why, the very first of these accident reports is dated only two days after his first day here!"

"Extreme bullying? _Extreme bullying? _By who? When?" Eileen Snape jumped to her feet and reached over the table, snatching up a handful of pink slips. As she scanned, words began to jump off the page at her: _Cracked rib (2); Tongue glued to roof of mouth; Eyesight lost for three (3) hours; Hospital Wing stay, five (5) days; Pushed down flight of stairs, suffered broken wrist, bruises, concussion..._

Her heart began to race. Her son was being injured here, too? She had hoped that Severus had been able to escape from the broken, abusive household that still had her trapped. She had hoped that sending him here, where he had a chance at being happy, might make up for the lack of protection she could give him at home.

Again, Eileen had been wrong on all counts. And since she could never argue or fight back with her husband, she would take this opportunity to take out her anger on even more people who had failed her... her, and her son, Severus.

She would fight for her son, at last.

"You _allow _this?" she raged, straightening to her full height, tossing the pink slips to the floor. "Are you telling me that my son is being _harassed _at school for _four _years and you haven't done a single thing until now?"

"Well, Mrs. Snape, we were hoping at first that it was just playful teasing..."

"_Playful teasing?" _screeched Eileen Snape, bending down to retrieve a pink slip from the floor. She held the parchment dangerously close to Jacqueline Cartier's face and stabbed at the section detailing the incident with one finger. "You honestly think that being _humiliated _in front of a schoolyard of children is _playful teasing? _What is _wrong_ with you? This is a school! Isn't this supposed to be a safe place for everyone to learn?"

"Mrs. Snape, we really would appreciate it if you calmed yourself," interjected Albus Dumbledore. "We understand that you're distressed, but..."

Eileen Snape shook her head and interrupted him. "I _demand _to speak with the parents of these... these _animals _who are responsible for this!" She glanced at the slips of parchment on the floor again, "This... James Potter and Sirius Black! And Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, Charles O'Leary, Kevin Bones...! And any friends, accomplices, bystanders... all of them! They won't get away with hurting my son like this! I _refuse _to let it happen!"

"Please, Mrs. Snape," said Professor Cartier meekly. "We only want to share with you what we know, and our action plan for resolving this issue..."

"You can start by telling me why you didn't contact me earlier with this issue, and why this group of four or five boys are able to continually _maliciously _inflict pain upon my son." Eileen Snape lowered herself into the chair and glared at the two people sitting across the desk from her. "I'd be _very _interested in hearing the answers to these questions."

"Well, Severus, is there anything you'd like to add?" Albus Dumbledore looked over at him, his blue eyes twinkling. "You've said very little."

Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He'd had to give up a good portion of his Saturday afternoon for _this? _He knew very well that even if his mother ranted and demanded all the way up to Heaven, and Professor Cartier threw out terms like "guided instruction" and "assertive behaviour" and equipped him with a "Personalized Safety and Security Plan", people would _still _find a way to harass him.

And even though James Potter and Sirius Black were out of commission, laying on their deathbeds in Saint Mungo's, it seemed like other students had stepped up to the plate to make up for their absence. They'd even begun speculating that the Slytherins had cooked up an elaborate scheme to knock off the Gryffindor's Golden Boys... and who better to pin the blame on than the school's outcast, and coincidentally the boy who had the most to gain from Potter and Black's demise?

Well, it was true that he _was _responsible for their illness, and ultimately their death, if they did die. If he _chose _to let them die. He wasn't exactly sure of what he wanted to do... but what he did know was that time was running out.

"Severus?"

Severus snapped out of his reverie and found himself staring into the startlingly blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore.

"Um, no, sir," he mumbled, "I think this is good enough."

The Headmaster raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He got to his feet and shook hands with Severus' mother, and escorted her and Professor Cartier to the door.

Severus was halfway out the door himself when the Headmaster called out to him. "Severus, if you ever need somewhere to go, or someone to speak to, please, don't hesitate to come and see me. I'd be interested in hearing about what you have to say."

Severus gave a quick nod, and closed the door quietly behind him.

_As if. _

* * *

_Kill me and be done with it..._

James Potter's eyes were glued to the ceiling of his and Sirius' room in Saint Mungo's, unmoving, unblinking. He was at the brink of giving up hope that his condition could be helped; at the brink of believing that this nightmare would ever end.

God, it was awful. His skin was irritated and his blood was boiling inside his veins. He tried to sleep most of the time, but the constant burning sensation kept him awake... he felt like he was on fire, and there was nothing, _nothing _that could stop it.

_I am in so much pain right now..._

At the beginning, he figured he'd be in and out of the hospital wing in Hogwarts in a flash; after all, the Invincible James Potter had never had a brush with death before.

Now, he wasn't so sure. He was in immeasurable pain, which could only be soothed by heavy Muggle painkillers and various herbal supplements and lotions. The Healers were doing all they could, and while he appreciated their efforts, he couldn't help but want to scream at them to do more, find some way to soothe the sizzling of his flesh.

He knew that Sirius, who had received the brunt of the potion's splash, already had one foot on the other side. That worried him more than anything. Even though Sirius had assured him that it wasn't his fault, James still felt responsible for both of their suffering.

What would he do without his best friend? If he managed to get through this, and Sirius didn't, how would he live with himself knowing that he had partially caused the death of the boy he considered his own blood brother?

How could he stand to bury his best friend?

_Oh, God, let us live. Please let both of us live. _

The future was looking pretty damn weak.

How could this have happened? One minute, he was his usual self, playing Quidditch, eating in the Great Hall, going to classes, playing pranks on Snivellus, chasing after Lily Evans... and then, _this. _Such a difference from this weak, dishevelled, pain-riddled being in a hospital bed.

"Oh, my _God," _Sirius suddenly rolled over in his bed, clutching at his neck, frantically trying to catch his breath. "I can hardly breathe anymore, Prongs. _Oh my God, what are we going to do?" _

"Calm down. Inhale, exhale... Inhale, exhale. Good, just like that," James instructed from the next bed, peeling his eyes away from the ceiling and towards his friend. "Just breathe slowly, and through your nose, and it won't be as painful. And for Merlin's sake, don't over-excite yourself."

Sirius nodded and let his hands drop to his sides. His breathing was ragged, but at least he was _breathing_. James knew that the potion was seeping into his friend's lungs, destroying them one vicious bite at a time.

At that moment, James' mother flung open the door, her husband right behind her. The loud noise of her high heels echoed in the room.

"Oh, my poor darling," Angélique Potter bent down to kiss her son on the forehead, and sat down on the end of his bed. She touched his cheek gently with one hand. "How are you feeling today, Jamie?"

James sighed. "As always, Mum. Tired. Uncomfortably warm." He decided to let her call him Jamie for the day. Usually he hated her treating him like he was six years old again, but as he took her in, he noticed that her face was unusually thin and her makeup was not carefully applied.

Thaddeus Potter, on the other hand, was pacing. "We're going to get you off those pills," he began, "Since they're not helping you any, and from what we've heard, they're highly addictive." He ran his fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair. "I just don't know what to do, boys," he sighed, putting one hand on his wife's shoulder for a brief moment. "We've consulted every Healer, every book, every other source we could possibly think of. We just don't know how to help you. I've said time and time again that money is no object, but it seems that we're hitting dead end after dead end!"

"I'd like to know where that potion came from!" fumed Angélique. "Why anyone would keep something as dangerous as that in a classroom where innocent children could get hurt is a mystery to me!

"We don't blame you, dear," she assured her son, patting his hand and averting her eyes from the red, scaly skin that covered nearly his whole body. "Nor you, Sirius. If it hadn't happened to you, it would have certainly happened to someone else."

"_I _for one wish it _had _happened to someone else!" spoke up Thaddeus Potter, who stopped pacing for a moment and glared at nobody in particular, muttering something along the lines of "My son... honestly, I just cannot believe..." As he did, James noted the dark circles around his father's eyes, and the fact that he had not shaved this morning.

"I do agree, darling," said his wife, giving James a kiss on the cheek. "Jamie, sweetheart, your father and I received a letter from the school today, along with your schoolwork and all that. It seems that some woman's been making a lot of noise about how her son's being treated at the school, and she named you and some of your friends as the 'perpetrators!'" She sniffed, as if incredibly insulted.

James rolled his eyes. "We were just playing around with this Snape boy from Slytherin," he explained, patting his mother's hand uncomfortably. "He's... he's... going to be one of _them."_

Angélique's green eyes widened in horror. "You don't mean he's going _Dark?_"

"That's exactly it," confirmed Sirius from the next bed. "Ol' Snivelly's just aiming to join up with You-Know-Who."

"Well, then, his mother's in no place to make demands!" interjected Thaddeus. "That whole Dark lot ought to be cleaned out! I shall be sure to make that clear when we have to go meet with them this week!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if _his _kind was responsible for your illness!" added his wife, standing up in indignation. "That would be just like them, taking out their frustrations on noble wizarding people. Honestly, I don't know what this world is coming to!"

_I wouldn't be surprised if his kind was responsible for your illness, _James' mother's voice echoed inside his head for a moment. _His kind... his kind... responsible..._

Could it be? Had a Dark wizard strategically placed dangerous, unheard-of potions around the school, aiming to knock off students who were the sons and daughters of wizards and witches who refused to join the Dark Lord's cause?

_No, _a tiny, more rational voice in his head spoke up. _A Dark wizard would have a hard time getting _into _Hogwarts, let alone be able to creep around stashing bottles here and there. Secondly, wouldn't they be taking the chance of killing off the children of loyal Death Eaters, and those who aim to join the cause when they grow up?_

_She's on to something, _James decided, as he pretended to listen to what his mother was saying and nodding in all the right places. _I just need to take this a step further._

* * *

_Moony,_

_I'm very sorry I have not been able to contact you earlier. We've been barred from speaking with anybody, through letters or otherwise. Luckily, I've managed to get my hands on an owl and am taking full advantage of it._

_You might not be aware of our condition, but I will keep it short and to the point: while in detention, I came across a mysterious potion behind a stack of papers and books in Fallon's classroom. I showed it to Sirius, and he dropped it when Fallon returned, which resulted in us both being covered in it. Since that day, we have been plagued with burns and high fever, and the potion is already spreading through our blood and slowly damaging our internal organs. _

_Padfoot and I are not getting any better. None of the Healers' methods have been working on us, and I'm starting to worry that Padfoot will not be able to hold out much longer. His body is starting to give up on him, and I'm sure mine will follow._

_We've discussed it at great length, and we need you to keep tabs on all the Death Eater wanna-be's: Snivellus, Mulciber, Avery, Malfoy, and Padfoot's cousins, Narcissa and Bellatrix. We suspect that they have a part in what happened to us... one of them, if not all. We're startinng to worry that they'll come to try to finish us off... or attack someone else. Let Wormtail in on this and keep an eye on them. Follow them and figure out what they're up to. The Cloak's still in my chest...use it, we can't risk them catching on and possibly try to hurt you, too._

_Prongs_

_PS. Tell no one about this plan. If the students haven't been informed about what has happened to Padfoot and I, say nothing and destroy this letter. No reply to us is necessary. We're counting on you, Moony. _

Remus' hands were shaking as he finished reading the letter aloud to Peter. He folded the parchment into quarters and glanced up at the smaller boy, whose dark beady eyes were already wide with fear.

"We have to do what he says," Remus said at last. "And fast. If we wait any longer, they might not..." He didn't dare finish his sentence.

Peter nodded wordlessly and pointed at the letter, still clenched tightly in Remus' fist.

"Oh, right," Remus pressed the tip of his wand on the letter, and muttered an incantation. A small spark shot out from his wand and swallowed the parchment easily, leaving little behind.

Remus got to his feet and sprinkled the bits of letter on the ground. He unlocked James' trunk and rummaged through it, eventually extracting his prized Invisibility Cloak, running his fingers over the light-as-air fabric for a moment, and the Marauder's Map.

"Come on," he urged, covering himself with the Cloak and beckoning towards the fear-stricken boy sitting on the bed. "There's not a minute to spare."

Remus and Peter slipped out of the portrait of the Fat Lady and headed down the corridor to Fallon's classroom first. "There might be some evidence in there that the professors missed or didn't look hard enough for when they were searching through it," Remus had whispered to Peter beforehand.

When they arrived in front of the door, they found that it was locked tight. "Try_ Alohomora,_" hissed Peter. "The Map says that Professor Ajudah is headed this way."

Remus cast the spell and tugged on the doorknob. To his frustration, the door remained stubbornly shut.

"Remus," Peter urged, "stick your hand back under the Cloak! He's _coming_."

Remus ignored him and continued to cast spells at the door, acutely aware of the loud footsteps approaching the entrance to the corridor.

"Are you _mad_?" squeaked Peter, tugging on Remus' arm for a short moment. "We're going to get caught! Hurry up!"

"Relax!" Remus very nearly growled, tugging on the doorknob once more. "I've almost got it!" He raised his wand again. Ignoring his friend's order to relax, Peter grabbed Remus' wrist and forcefully maneuvered his arm so that it was safely under the Cloak again.

Agitated, Remus opened his mouth to say something. Peter thrust the Map under his friend's nose and pointed at the figure marked _Aditya Ajudah. _They both watched with bated breath as Ajudah scurried down the hallway, pausing in front of Fallon's classroom as if confused for a moment, then continuing on his way.

"There's no way we can get through the door, Remus," Peter muttered when Ajudah had disappeared down a staircase. "They've probably put extra enchantments on it so they can prevent students from wandering in and getting into accidents."

Remus sighed heavily. "Then where do we go from here?"

The two remaining Marauders were silent for a moment.

"What time is it?" Remus asked at last.

Peter rummaged in his pockets, finally extracting a battered bronze pocket-watch. He shook it twice before looking at it. "About half-past eight. So we've got another hour and a half until lights-out."

A smile slowly crept over Remus' face. "That's plenty of time."

"For what?"

"You'll see," said Remus, pulling James' Invisibility Cloak tighter around his shoulders and walking a few steps forward, forcing Peter to follow his lead.

"Oh, no. You're _mad, _Remus. You're even worse than Sirius," Peter moaned quietly as he and Remus waited anxiously outside the wall that was the entrance to the Slytherin common-room.

Remus rolled his eyes and elbowed Peter hard in the side, signalling for him to be quiet. He knew that trying to slip into the Slytherins' territory was as dangerous as walking voluntarily into the belly of the beast; however, if James' suspicions had been correct, they needed solid evidence if they had any chance of bringing the person who had poisoned his two friends to justice.

And saving James' and Sirius' lives. Before it was too late.

Remus Lupin had always been a follower; the boy who stuck his nose into books and kept out of trouble. He had a way of melting into the background; overshadowed, like Peter, by the charm and talents of his best friends.

But now James and Sirius had passed the torch on to him. They were counting on him, their lives _depended _on him, in fact.

They had always been there for him; working long hours to master the art of changing themselves into animals so that he, Remus, could stay at Hogwarts without claiming the lives of innocent students. They had given him more than he could have ever offered in return.

And as much as he didn't want to venture into the chilly, dark dungeons below the lake, he knew he had to.

* * *

"Well, I've heard from a _very _reliable source that these incidents were only playful teasing, no harm intended. I'm sure that you yourself understand the natures of young boys, don't you, Mr Dumbledore?"

Eileen Prince Snape fought hard not to roll her eyes at the sheer stupidity of Angélique Potter. The woman obviously had no more brain cells than a common toad. Probably from the harsh chemical effects of the platinum-blonde hair dye she used so religiously.

Thaddeus Potter puffed himself up next to his wife. "We are _very _good friends with Board of Directors, Mr Dumbledore," he said, putting his hands on the Headmaster's desk, causing the gold coins lining his pockets to jingle together. "And I hardly think that spending so much time and effort on such _minor _incidents such as boyish taunting is appropriate, considering the fact that my son and his friend are in Saint Mungo's,_ gravely _ill and not responding to any sort of treatment. The Board is demanding answers as to why _innocent_ students were exposed to such a dangerous concoction, and quite frankly, I'm starting to question your judgement as well."

"_My son is dying_," emphasized Angélique Potter, dabbing at her eyes with a lace-trimmed, monogrammed handkerchief. "How _dare _you accuse him of wrongdoing when he is not even here to defend himself!" She glared at Eileen, hatred apparent in her emerald-green eyes.

"I have very little sympathy for your son's situation," replied Eileen coolly, not breaking eye contact with Angélique. "And just to be clear, I did not request this meeting with you so you could feel sorry for yourself over what has happened to your son. I called this meeting because _your son _has made these last four years at Hogwarts miserable for mine. You of course did not bother to read the Student Accident Reports, but the incidents listed are quite severe, and I'd like to put the constant antagonizing and bullying led by your son to rest."

Eileen looked over at Severus and smiled encouragingly at him, squeezing his hand as she did so.

"_Surely _my son is not the only "perpetrator", as you so _delicately _put it!" fumed Angélique. Out of the corner of Eileen's eye, she saw Thaddeus pat his wife's hand as if to calm her.

"That's true," spoke up Severus. He took a deep breath. "But he's the one who starts it. I never have any problems with the other students unless James is there to order them to pick on me."

Albus Dumbledore nodded at Severus and spoke slowly, choosing his words very carefully. "I know how strongly you feel that your son is being attacked on all sides," he said to Mr and Mrs Potter, "and we do sympathise with his current condition and are working very efficiently to get to the root of the cause. However, his current behaviour towards Mrs Snape's son is highly inappropriate and mean-spirited. We've also noticed a trend of bullying towards Mr Snape since your son's been at St Mungo's. It appears that several of the other students are under the impression that Mr Snape is responsible for this unknown illness and have set out to "punish him" accordingly." He cleared his throat and looked over at Thaddeus Potter, who was breathing loudly through his nose. "We at Hogwarts believe that a school should be a safe and secure place for _all, _regardless of social class, race, blood status, et cetera."

"_Safe and secure?" _roared Thaddeus, pointing a shaking finger at Dumbledore. "My heir, my _son_, is on his _deathbed, because of the negligence here!" _He stood up suddenly, knocking his frail wife aside. "_And you!" _

His eyes bored into Severus's, who in turn squirmed a little in his seat.

"Oh, you'll get what you deserve in the end."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**This is all of the "old" stuff: I'll be writing more as it comes to me!  
**

**Thank you to everybody who reads, I love it! :3**

**Please review and help me improve this story!**

**ChiaraMikami**


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